Fuck yeah, Drinkers!
The things you guys put me through! The things I drink for your entertainment! This was originally intended to be BAAM’s 4th of July All-American Special, but due to some unfortunate timing, we’re just going to call this our America: Fuck Yeah Edition of beer and a movie. I assume most of you are familiar with both of tonight’s bits of entertainment, so this will be less of a review and more along the lines of a deeply subjective commentary. Anyway, let’s tastelessly celebrate the greatest nation in the universe and its beer of choice.
For the lonely/ronery few who have not seen the 2004 film Team America: World Police made by the creators of South Park and the Tony Award winning play The Book of Mormon, buckle up. Team America tells the story of a team of American action heros who fight terrorists across the globe and totally kick ass. Bringing on an ace-actor to help fight the good fight, Team America traces a deadly, international plot back to North Korea’s now-deceased-in-real-life ruler, Kim Jung Il. There’s explosions, music, romance and more explosions. And it’s all done with puppets! Setting aside the hilarious absurdity of doing a grossly offensive action parody with puppets, it really makes the whole film more impressive. And while the filmmakers deliberately flaunt the puppeteering (you can see the wires in every shot), it doesn’t diminish the skill and care that went into the creation of the characters and sets. For what it’s worth, you can never accuse Trey Parker and Matt Stone of phoning it in. From the non-language the film’s Arabs speak to the location cards that reference nation’s only in their distance from the US. They seem to approach every aspect of every project with a detail-oriented eye that astound and offends almost everyone.They fully commit to the puppets and embrace the mediums quirks. But if that isn’t enough, Parker and Stone also show of their “love” of musical theater by infusing the movie with some of the dumbest and most hilarious musical numbers you’ve ever heard.
Okay so this movie is not for those with sensitive demeanors or virgin ears. There’s no shortage of crude humor, homophobia, xenophobia and racism but that’s kind of what these guys do. And they distribute the hurt pretty evenly and across political lines, so you feel little better when you laugh. Not much, but enough. The one unfortunate thing about this movie is that it seems a bit dated. Team America: World Police was released back in 2004 when the threat of terrorism and WMD’s seemed much more tangible than it does today. That American war-mongering spirit seems to have died down a bit by now, so the film sees a bit out of step. Also, there’s a song about the Michael Bay film Pearl Harbor, which no one remembers anymore. Also also, the movie makes fun of Ben Affleck quite a bit but, fortunately for all, Mr. Affleck has improved his credentials since then. But I digress. Ultimately, no one watches this film and pretends to take away anything from it or really finds it that dated. All you really need to do is laugh and occasionally grimace as the off-color humor. Because when you know that America is the best, no movie can ever say otherwise.
And our American beer? Well, it’s kind of just Bud Light. Do I really need to say anything about it? Actually, I should point out that the Budweiser company isn’t even owned by Americans anymore. Back in 2008, Anheuser-Busch was bought by a Belgian-Brazilian company (thanks Wikipedia!), meaning that America’s most iconic beer is not American anymore. Well, at least on paper. But anyway, back to the beer itself. Something most Bud Light drinkers probably don’t notice is the color. Since we typically consume our Bud Light as directly as possible, we hardly bother to pour it into a glasse. But since I’m a classy fellow, I poured my beer and noticed that Bud Light pretty much looks like water. It’s almost clear with a tiny hint of yellow. Also, the beer’s one inch head pretty much dissipated instantaneously. And the taste? Well, it kind of tasted like nothing…Okay that’s not fair. It’s more like water that tastes a bit funky. I guess I would call it grainy but that’s really a stretch. But I don’t want to keep wasting anyone’s time by talking about a beer that costs, on average, about a dollar. Let’s move on with our lives.
So that was our AMERICA! special, everyone. I’m sorry I couldn’t get this to you on the 4th, but you’ll forgive me, right? I mean, I drank a Bud Light for you. That’s dedication. I’d make a reference to dedication as seen in Team America, but it’s wholly inappropriate. Just watch the movie and you’ll understand what I’m vaguely sidestepping here. Anyway, despite the nothingness of the beer, the movie is so much fun that it really doesn’t matter. I mean, I understand the appeal of the Bud Light, I really do. It’s cheap, it’s easy to drink and it’s really really cheap. For people who view beer as more of a refreshment with the added benefit of booze, then sure, drink away. But for anyone who has modicum of interest in beer or self-respect, then Bud Light is really just a waste of time and calories. But go watch Team America. It’s still amazing.
But, as always, keep drinking my friends. Just not Bud Light please.
Team America: World Police
-Absurd musical action romance parody with puppets
-Shocking, and hilarious attention to detail